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October 06 处女座的主题一直很想找一张苍白的主题,觉得那样对得起自己的心,找到了却发现眼睛被那空洞的白晃得睁不开眼
于是换成了宁静得棕色,但是仍然很纠结——看不惯页头的那一并深蓝,它让这单纯的宁静里带有一丝罪恶的味道
处女座的人终究还是有洁癖的,即使我反复的去否认它——完美主义者
我不喜欢吃柚子,但是我会把柚子皮剥得干干净净的,然后放在水果篮里,父亲讥讽我是变态的完美主义
我不以为然,依旧每次都剥得干干净净,心里很欣慰的感叹我终于为家里在做事了
八月份的尾巴你是处女座,而我却是九月份的前奏,非常尴尬的日子
生日往往都是在同学忙碌的开学中呼啸而过,有时候我自己都不记得曾经生日过
秋老虎在中秋的九月横行无忌,老人都说这时出生的娃脾气暴躁
我却淡定得很,暴躁抓狂这词都是形容年少追风的季节了
我想到了海子的《九月》,目击众神死亡的草原上野花一片——神秘,渺远,生死互相诠释
我想我果然不凡,别人说我喜欢装神秘,玩消失,九月的处女的神秘可不都是装出来的
对于网络不切实际的运程预测,我往往不屑一顾
想想自己还没出生,老底就被人翻了一箩筐——性格,爱情,连每月运气都给你算出来了
以前独爱黑色,博客弄得黑不溜秋的,弄得我迫不得已摸黑码字,以致视力下降
后来又钟爱灰白,自我感觉相当忧郁,像个诗人,无奈眼睛和年纪不允许我在那样蛋疼的存在
于是我选择了棕色——安全的,宽心的
October 05 由于不良家庭非暴力骚动引发的一系列无关猜想由Carina昨天跟我说的你是我的非流通的不良资产之类的话,我突然想到了父母的一次吵架,两者遥不可及,但是千真万确我找到了两者毫无关联的桥梁。有时候我也很想剖开自己的大脑看看自己是怎么想的,为什么在一次有轨的神经传输过程中会出现如此大的误差。人往往都是这样——神经质的胡思乱想,不过通常我都是将这种无谓的遐想扼杀在襁褓状态,偶尔也有任其发展的时候,比如现在。
越是在这种夜深的时候,就越容易发生点什么,比如一对男女;而对于孤单的我来说,夜的梦魇不断在我的记忆深处挖掘着什么……有时候很迷惑,辨不出两者,从理论上来说,回忆应该算记忆的一种,有些人拼命想忘记一些,有些人却拼命在回忆一些。书中,回忆总被描写得很美好:风吹得轻轻的,山花开得漫漫的,白云悠悠的飘,海水唰唰的洗,安详,平静,即使一颗石子激起的波纹也是慢慢的被时间抚平。而我看来,回忆却平凡得像一件你藏在衣柜深处的旧衣服,一方面你嫌它样式过于陈旧而不愿意再去穿它,另一方面又有些可惜当初花去的银子。直到某一天你无意中翻出这件衣服时发现因为自己的成长而衣服显得尺寸太小——于是你终于心安理得的把它丢掉了。刚毕业的时候对大学两个字很恐慌,想到它总觉得呼吸困难,感伤之情总是比我打包行李的决心要强烈,把草样年华的书列为禁书,把同学的群拖入黑名单。有一天发现旧衣服确实小了,毫不犹豫的扔在了废弃箱里,在解禁扫黑的过程中发现在某个角落偶尔会抓住当初的那份伤感,我会情不自禁的哼起在那一角患过伤风。
有时候记忆很乱,会把张三李四王五的事情全部算到赵六头上,然而正确的序列却会被认为是乱码。前段时间我常常跟鱼妹说我想吟诗了,她说你吟,我道,我住长江头,君住长江尾,日日思君不见君,共饮长江水。鱼妹说我念得怎么乱七八糟的,像两首拼一起的一样。而我却只是想念出来没想过对错,因为在我的记忆中我从没质疑过它。被折腾几回合后觉得似乎这诗确实不当如此念,越质疑就越觉得错,最后自己也辩不出对错了,索性让它乱了。
经常的我脑子里会有闪回,总觉得此情此境似曾相识,常常会梦到在父亲刀下险象环生,最后夺门而逃的惊心场景;会觉得自己越来越沉在水底想浮浮不起来,最后一睁眼迷糊到分不清是白天黑夜。
脑子里关于感情的记忆时刻保持在选择性遗忘的状态,曾经痛苦的陷入到一个无止境的记忆轮回中不能自拔,像大部分失恋男女那样觉得自己是世界上最可怜最痛苦的人,然而跳出六道轮回再看这似无却有的经历,不禁咂舌,感到欣慰。之后才发现有位叫陶吉吉的歌手对此是早已大彻大悟,他的《Melody》便唱到了:终于明白你已成回忆——我便捶胸顿足,后悔我没有好好背歌词,不然早已列入仙班了。
清晰的记得三流的爱情动作小说里面常常有一句话:仅仅靠爱情并不能维持两个人的关系。我认为那些小说或许是三流的,但这句话绝对是一流的。是啊,我跟她除了那曾经沧海还留下了什么呢?忘记一些,留下一些,平衡了冲突,便可以放下自己的包袱……
附新诗一首,还请各位笑纳。
白啊,真他妈云
蓝啊,真他妈天
爱情啊,真他妈操蛋
生活啊,真他妈不简单
July 24 09计划
端坐许久,手指在键盘上摸索了久久,却仍然是未酝酿出感觉,心中有股便秘而想一泻而快的冲动——我总觉得我应该写点什么了。早上还跟鱼妹说我的写作灵感都留在午夜的空气中,现在却在这夏日炎炎的中午码着这不算怎么回事的文字,还真是计划永远赶不上变化。
求签
最近在衡山大庙求签,似摸似样的跪在诸佛前,鱼妹见我摇头晃脑,敲着我的头让我虔诚,使劲的摇着签筒,心里还没把许愿的内容想好就蹦出来一支签,大喜,像抽奖一般捧着给看门的道士解签,这小道瞥了一眼签条又随手从一沓发票般的印刷本上撕了一张,还以为是这占卜之事也赶上了市场经济的大流,也要开发票了,心想着这道士倒也是良好商人不做那偷税漏税之事,心安理得的作为一个纳税人接过发票一瞅,原来是解的签,心里惊骂障眼法!见过见过了!解签上赫然三个字,上上签,哟西,这六合彩之事今日也让老衲碰上一回了,喜笑颜开地往下瞧着,签曰:时来运转喜气生,窈窕淑女君子求,钟古乐之大吉庆,占者逢之喜临头。几句观似颇为深奥的文言文把我的人生风水道了个尽头,很简单,却又很深奥,说得便是我最近要转运了,心里喜得早已经给众菩萨磕了一百个响头了。走出大庙门槛,我又茫然了,离开这乐透的根据地我又能上哪里去找菩萨兑现我这六合彩的头奖呢?
信则有,不信则无,中国文化道的便是这模棱两可,说玄他很玄,不信他便什么都没有。相信的人,心中总是充满自信,这便是精神的力量。
爬山
上山容易,下山难。
旅店老板建议4点起来去乘车上山,不然就只能花4个小时徒步上山了,为了看那不到4分钟的日出,爷我也只能拼了,二话不说就跟鱼妹闭门酝酿睡意,功夫不负有心人,不到1点成功完成任务,4点不到跟鱼妹颤颤悠悠跟随着店老板赶上山的车。经过呕心沥血的45分钟车程,终于上到南天门,除去休息,当然大部分时间应鱼妹要求走两分钟休息十分钟的政策,拿出十二分的努力!终于看到红彤彤的太阳难产的全过程,那个兴奋,那个激动,在不久的下山过程中变得无比炽热,十万个为什么告诉我们山下比山上热。花了一上午的时间从朝圣者的祝融峰上到了半山亭,回头看看这被鱼妹同学称作不到400米高的衡山,心中不免失落,想当年体育课跑两个衡山的距离我也大气不喘啊!百度之才知道1400米的衡山被鱼妹取了个零头,果然是讲价的高手啊!
与爱情无关
前女友不合时宜的电话让我着实有些恼火,气氛被破坏了不说,心里头的疙瘩也有了,马有失蹄,爷也有失手的时候啊!屁股没擦干净,还长了痔疮。鱼妹不愧为体贴第一人,理解万岁!
前缘难续,覆水难收,既然错过,那便与爱情无缘,放手让各自寻找合适的归宿,我已放了,该你了。
佛说 你是过来人,人是未来佛,我何曾不像你那么天真过
鱼妹
名字很好,很含蓄。总而言之,中国人有含蓄之美,鱼妹自然便是那代表人物。何谓含蓄,自然说话拐着弯说,却从来差那么点,真是天知地知你知我不知啊,但是聪明的我怎么会不知呢?一休告诉我,休息休息一下,于是乎,一宿之后,我知了!
心地算得上善良,至少心眼不坏,总是为他人着想,现在的同志很少有如此党性了,也不枉我一直以后高举向鱼妹看齐的伟大梦想,我们的口号是,晚上刷牙,没有蛀牙!
往回看看,晚上果然还是我诗性大发的时候,一不小心码了这么多了,下面是总结陈词,对于南岳,有了见识,对于菩萨,多了敬意。
鱼妹曾经跟我说过,奶奶过世了,心里好难过,好愧疚。那我们何不珍惜眼前呢? April 15 lambs to the slaughterTen thousand of light years away, there is a planet named the Earth. A lamb and his companies share the Prairie a place he has known of from the very time of his birth. Every day Ford comes to grab some of his companies and takes them away. The scene produces in him a thought of parting the Prairie. He tries for ages before he learns that the scene around him never alters and eventually he gives up. Misfortune comes that afternoon when Ford comes to seize him. No struggling nor panic. He finally understands why his companies always appear indifferent at such moment. “A couple of questions before you take me, can I ask?” he grumbled coldly looking up at Ford. “Go ahead” putting him down, Ford replies ,“I’ll meet your needs” “Why you take my companies away?” “Because they are as food to our Ford family as the Prairie to you.” “I have tried in vain to escape from here. Why am I always kept in one and the same prairie?” Without answering Ford suddenly opens a door pointing a row of compartments that shine like some metal. “Are they what you mean by prairie which is no more than a number of compartments on this farm? You have stayed here for long. This was a construction of our forefathers,” Ford seems much pleased. “Haven’t you any other choices than feeding on us?” “Would you prefer tree barks to favourite green grass?” “Isn’t it a fair thing?! No one takes you as his food!” The lamb shouted indignantly. “……”All of a sudden, the power goes off. Ford has got used to the doing-off of the power, for the system can recover automatically. He loses in thought of the lamb’s last words: Isn’t it a fair thing? When I first met with the failure in the picking process in Slaughter Province, I felt a bit unfair, too. Otherwise I would not have started my work of raising sheep here. While thinking, he arrives at the panel room. Let’s go in to have a look. The panel light is flashing. Walking around for a while, he sees a cabin and crouches to enter. “Wow” A long corridor comes in sight and then a huge gate on which “hazard” is written. There might be something wrong here to cause the power-off. He opens the gate. “Ah!” A glaring light shut his eyes and before he knows what is going on, he is seized by a huge hand. When he comes to, an Orion-like man is staring at him. He seems to have come to a feeding farm where machines are working steadily to operating on his clan --- other Fords. “What are you? What do you want? Put me down. Where is this?” Ford is scared. “Hush, poor Ford. I’m Human the master of Fords.” Human says slowly, “this is where we feed Fords the fattest of whom are to be sent to the Slaughter to be manufactured.” “Slaughter?” Ford feels lucky to be left over in the picking process.“You mean to have me eaten”
“You are our food. How can I spare you? Poor thing, Can you spare the lamb your favourite food?” Ford feel familiarity in the voice which is said to the lamb by himself. “Unfair!” Ford says subconsciously. Human smiled cunningly and is ready to put Ford on the transferring belt. Suddenly, the alarm shrieks. “Warning! Monster is attacking. Warning! Monster is attacking” Human is panicked looking at the panel alarm. He dropped Ford and runs away… The Monsters hail, “warriors! go for your prey!” …… At this moment, the lamb is enjoying the green grass again. The Prairie is quiet as ever. February 09 男人,女人 Maria说她朋友是个lesbian,喜欢上她了,我不禁一惊,世界变了,sara又说她还是比较喜欢男人,我长舒一口,毕竟正常的还是占大多数,男人,女人之间到底什么区别
形容男人常常用虎背熊腰,彪形大汉,形容女人我们常说闭月羞花,小家碧玉.事情往往却不如人们所想那样,这才出了个玉树临风的李宇春,变换出个楚楚可怜的河莉秀.何谓男人,何为女子?
从襁保中的婴儿到叛逆的少年,无所谓男女的岁月似乎就象光着腚子跑在大街上的孩童,嬉笑不回,却不知在某一天的早上的顿悟,还是某一次回眸的悸动,豁然开朗般你懂得了,这个世界上是分为男人和女人的.惊奇之余,发现生活在身边数十年的这两种物种却是如此的和谐,又是如此的独特.
从"男尊女卑"到"各占半边天",从木兰替父从军到竞争上岗,从一夫多妻到一夫一妻,男人,女人之间在进行着无数的战争,爱恨情仇,酸甜交织,诉说着男人与女人的区别,男人为了事业,可以抛却生命和爱情,他们一开始就下了必死的决心,以最悲壮的死亡作为最壮丽的结局,却忽视了那个在背后默默无闻的女人,于是绚烂的爱情在无声中慢慢开放,化作一只只蝴蝶翩翩飞舞.
易有太极,是生两仪,阴阳二气造化万物,男,女正如这阴阳二气缺一不可,当我们在说某某像个女人时,我们已使女人抽象,当我们在说某某像个男人时,我们指的其实也是一种类型,无论是清朝太监还是现今的李宇春,一个符号的含义也在慢慢延伸,剔掉世俗的褒贬之意,原野之际剩下孤零零的两棵树,苍老,挺拔,年轮同文明一般古旧,他们枝繁叶茂,上面筑满了鸟巢.
无所谓高低长短,无所谓优劣输赢,却在电闪雷鸣之时,打个招呼.
两仪生四象,四象生八卦,男人,女人,八卦之中,寄一张卡片,写着感觉,收信人叫永远
男人和女人的区别,天长地久
February 08 更新进行时更新,顺便占个位置,最近一次更新是在大约1年前
找了半天没看见提交按钮.....那就顺便再罗嗦了一句.....
还是没发现如何提交,一分钟过去了
再过去两分钟,还是没发现~~
复制...粘贴
终于好了!!!10分钟努力过后,大家可以看到一年之后我的第一个更新鸟!! |
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